Tags: feelings

hide, headache

Mostly health. Quelle surprise.

Caught a cold, most likely thanks to a guy at CWC who mentioned on Monday that he'd started getting sick the previous day, which prompted me to think, "And yet you decided to show up today & expose dozens of other people. Thanks a lot, CWC guy!"

Anyway, so I'm sick. Mostly coughing, but also aching. Bad headaches, starting Thursday evening, about 18 hours after I'd reduced the Neurontin dosage & about 4 hours before I started coughing, so I'm wondering if the headaches are cold-related or Neurontin-related. They could also, potentially, be acupuncture-related, since I had to cancel my Friday acupuncture plans in order to avoid exposing half a dozen strangers to my plague, and so had no acupuncture at all last week.

I had dinner with Katherine and Jay on Thursday night (before I realized I was getting sick) to celebrate Jay's birthday, but my head started hurting really badly partway through (as mentioned above), which in turn got my nausea going again, and so I wasn't able to eat very much & had some trouble following the conversation. Definitely had some trouble enjoying myself, which sucked, because I hardly ever get to see them. I even started crying at the table when talking about the headaches, because it was hurting so badly & was hard to talk about. Then I went and sobbed in the bathroom for a while like a total wimp (trying not to judge myself—isn't easy). It's just hard feeling so powerless.

They've both had significant health problems in the past couple years, too (Jay having serious surgery & being house-bound for about 3 weeks very recently) & they're both so stoic about it. I felt really embarrassed about my emotional outbursts. Granted, they weren't experiencing pain actually during the conversation like I was, but I still felt like I wasn't bearing up under the pressure very well. (Yes, probably childhood "quit crying—it's not so bad" stuff creeping up again. Must never show vulnerability or bother anyone with my problems.) We played the "no your health situation is worse than mine," "no YOURS is worse than MINE," "NO, YOURS IS WORSE..." game. Not the most fun game in the world. They insisted that I win, mostly (I think) because theirs were comparatively easy to fix & now are pretty much dealt with. So I win? Yay?

I'm coughing a lot today, but hoping I'll start feeling considerably better tomorrow, because Shannon & I have tickets to the New Parkway Theater (which I've never been to yet) to see "Totoro" (which I've never seen on the big screen). Also, Monday is the Thanksgiving feast at CWC, which is one of my favorite events of the year, but I'm not willing to expose dozens of people to the plague just so I can have a good time.

Keeping an eye on the coughing lest it get worse, since the docs told me to be very cautious in the future & come in immediately if my coughing seemed even remotely excessive, because I might now be prone to bronchitis. I think the coughing was better today, but it's always worst at night, so I'll keep my fingers crossed that I'm sound asleep a couple hours from now.
art, collage

Mostly Neurontin & Headaches

On Sunday night (9/14/14), we increased my dosage of Neurontin to 600 mg/day, and my headaches have been much better thus far. Only 2 Tylenol #4 tabs each day the past 2 days. Two days do not provide enough data for certainty, but I have high hopes that this will get me through getting off the codeine, since the Neurontin is in no way addictive or anything like that.

Unfortunately, the Neurontin at this dosage is making me slooooooowwwwwww. My skull has been filled with molasses, and my brain is slogging its way through in order to form each thought. I'm tired all the time & have trouble even getting off the couch. But that's okay, because this is just a short-term fix, just to help me get past the worst of the headaches.

(What's going to happen when I'm off the codeine, I'm not sure. We'll see what happens with the headaches at that point. In my imaginary future wonderland, the headaches disappear with the codeine and are never seen again, leaving me with no need for the increased dosage of Neurontin or any other pain med.)

I'm working on another journal entry that I'm hoping to post later today, but—as I said—my brain isn't working at full speed.

I've been fretting for the past few days about some emails I got (from someone who shall remain nameless in this public forum) about the difference between "Art" and "Craft," and about why what I do is not "Art." Yeah, okay, so I got these emails months ago—back in April/May/June—and they upset me at the time, and I decided to just ignore it ... but it turns out that ignoring it isn't working for me.

So I'm writing up a full response, though I don't plan to send it to the person in question, because I don't think it would have any useful effect & would most likely just cause drama. I'm writing it for myself, just to express the thoughts and feelings the emails stirred up in me. Basically, I just want to rant.

So I'm working on a ranty post about "Art" and "Craft," and hope to post it later today.