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My dad died

My dad died yesterday. I arrived very late Friday night and he had waited up to see me. We talked a little bit, but I was tired from the trip and I was concerned about him staying up so late, so I said we could talk more in the morning. The next day, he slept most of the day and was semi-delirious the rest of the time, unable to respond "yes" or "no" (even by nodding or head shaking) to direct questions. On Sunday he never woke up; he slept until he passed away.

I wish I had talked to him more Friday night instead of going to bed.

I'm not as upset as I should be. I feel mostly empty. That, and I want to be at home with Shannon. I don't want to have to deal with anything right now, but I have to make all the funeral arrangements and figure out what to do with all my dad's stuff. He owns two houses full of stuff, and I guess I have to go through it all to decide what to keep and what to get rid of. The "stuff" question is overwhelming. How am I going to go through all this stuff? It'll take days! And all I want to do is go home.

Two of my dad's friends -- Ken and Donna -- are here. They've been taking care of him for the past two months, and they're great people. They're going to help me go through the houses and sort things, but I still don't know how long it will take.

I also don't know when the funeral is going to be. He's being cremated, and we don't know when we'll have his remains, so I can't organize the funeral yet. I've been on the phone all day with the Veterans Administration, the coroner, and people who need to be informed.

I don't know what to say. I didn't know my dad all that well, but I did love him. I wish I could do Friday night over again.



( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 14th, 2007 05:26 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry *hugs you tightly*
May. 14th, 2007 05:39 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry.
May. 14th, 2007 05:40 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss *hugs*
May. 14th, 2007 05:44 pm (UTC)
Oh, my God, hon.... *hugs* I'm so, so sorry....
May. 14th, 2007 05:53 pm (UTC)
Damn. I'm so sorry, Kimberly.
May. 14th, 2007 05:55 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry.
May. 14th, 2007 06:19 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry. *hugs*
May. 14th, 2007 06:22 pm (UTC)
Oh, honey. I'm so, so sorry. It sounds to me like he was holding on to see you -- the timing seems like more than coincidence.

Don't worry about what you're feeling or not feeling -- it's all normal. *Hugs*
May. 14th, 2007 06:49 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry. I'm really glad you got to see him and talk to him.

"Auction house" and "estate sale" are the buzzwords for people who will come in and deal with all the stuff and take a percentage of what they get. I personally think you should consider not trying to deal with it yourself under these circumstances.
May. 14th, 2007 07:04 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry, Kimberly. I'm glad that you got to talk with him one last time. Don't beat yourself up. I suspect that he was waiting for you, and he got his last wish with your presence. You're a good daughter and he loved you.
May. 14th, 2007 07:44 pm (UTC)
I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. I really does sound as though he was waiting for you. Don't be too hard on yourself about Friday: you were one of the last people he saw while he was still lucid, and that was probably wonderful for him in and of itself.

May. 14th, 2007 09:01 pm (UTC)
My condolences on your loss. My thoughts are with you.
May. 14th, 2007 09:47 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry. I'm glad that you at least had some time to spend with him before, that's important. But I'm very sorry.
May. 14th, 2007 10:43 pm (UTC)
It doesn't sound quite enough to say that I'm so sorry that your father has passed. I am glad that you had time with him, though. My thoughts are with you as you handle all of the necessary obligations. Many hugs!
May. 14th, 2007 10:49 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry.
May. 14th, 2007 10:53 pm (UTC)
ugh... I'm so sorry.
May. 15th, 2007 12:38 am (UTC)
I'm glad you got to see him again, even though it was shorter than you had wanted. And I'm glad his friends are still there to help you deal with the details. You're in my thoughts, and I wish you the best through this diffcult event.

Like wild_irises, I recommend considering an estate sale rather than sorting through so much stuff that you likely neither can nor want to take home or distribute appropriately to friends and relatives. If you talk with his local friends, they should be able to recommend a reputable business.
May. 15th, 2007 02:11 am (UTC)
I'm sorry to read that your father has died. I hope that Shannon will be able to support you in this. It can't be easy. Just you flying out to see your Dad and talking to him on Friday is a huge gesture. Not every parent gets to be with their child before they die. I'm sure your dad appreciates the time and trouble you took to be with him.
May. 15th, 2007 04:35 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss, and I will pray for your dad and for you and everyone who cared for me.

Do not beat yourself up about Friday. I work with many people in your type of situation. You needed to care for yourself as well has him by getting rest that night. You were there for him, and although he wasn't communicating, I can assure you he knew you were there. Your presence with him was really what mattered, not getting in a few more words when you were both tired.

Be gentle with yourself. Grief is hard.
May. 15th, 2007 07:09 am (UTC)
My condolences, too. I'm so glad that you were able to have at least a little bit of time together on your visit, and that your father's passing was at least relatively peaceful and at home.
May. 15th, 2007 08:32 am (UTC)
I'm really sorry.
May. 15th, 2007 07:35 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry for your loss, love.

Please don't beat yourself for not talking more to him on Friday. He held on for you and that will always mean a huge amount once the initial grief has passed.

Take care of yourself and please remember that we're all here for you, even if it's only as an ear to listen.

I'll be thinking of you.

May. 15th, 2007 10:09 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you got to spend at least some time with him. As for the stuff, there are people who handle that sort of thing for a living. Anything particularly interesting or valuable, I'd be happy to sell on eBay for you at no cost to you except the eBay and Paypal fees. Let me know.
May. 23rd, 2007 07:44 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry it turned out this way.
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )

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