I've been thinking a lot about my dad. Morbid thoughts, like "Am I going to fly out there for the funeral? What would I wear?" I mean, I think I should go to the funeral, but if I have to choose between that and going out to visit him while he's still alive, then the choice is obvious. But everyone will think I'm a terrible daughter if I don't go. As opposed to a poor daughter, which is more accurate. And I feel like a terrible daughter for even thinking all this stuff when he's still alive.
I'm also very worried about his leg. They say that the large tumor is putting a lot of pressure on his spine (that's why they're hurrying to do the surgery tomorrow), so maybe he'll be able to move his leg again after the surgery, but I'm still worried about permanent damage. I'm also just generally worried about the surgery. You never know.
I want to go visit him in October for a few days. Maybe a week. I'm a little nervous about staying more than a few days, because what would we say to each other for that long? I mean, we never talk on the phone for more than a few minutes. And I couldn't just retreat into the Internet for part of the day, since he isn't online. I'd just be ... there ... with nothing to do. I have no idea how he spends his days. He doesn't live in a town or anything -- he's out in the middle of nowhere. But staying only a few days when I have no job or anything seems sort of impolite.
I guess I'm worrying a lot about what other people will think of me. That's nothing new.
I'm also very worried about his leg. They say that the large tumor is putting a lot of pressure on his spine (that's why they're hurrying to do the surgery tomorrow), so maybe he'll be able to move his leg again after the surgery, but I'm still worried about permanent damage. I'm also just generally worried about the surgery. You never know.
I want to go visit him in October for a few days. Maybe a week. I'm a little nervous about staying more than a few days, because what would we say to each other for that long? I mean, we never talk on the phone for more than a few minutes. And I couldn't just retreat into the Internet for part of the day, since he isn't online. I'd just be ... there ... with nothing to do. I have no idea how he spends his days. He doesn't live in a town or anything -- he's out in the middle of nowhere. But staying only a few days when I have no job or anything seems sort of impolite.
I guess I'm worrying a lot about what other people will think of me. That's nothing new.
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kimberly_a- Kimberly
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I also know what it's like not to be able to afford to visit a sick relative as much as you'd like, or finding it hard to talk, even to someone you really care about, because what you have in common is mostly just your love as family.
What you feel is what you feel.
And as for what to do there - bring books, some DVDs, and some of your favorite 2-person board games. Maybe your dad would like to be introduced to Buffy, or to Firefly. Most towns have a video store for backup, or if you don't own the series you think he'd like. Bring along a suduko book and a games magazine. You can also take long walks for a break, and as stress relief. You won't have to spend all that time making conversation with him - just being there will mean a lot. And a week is a respectable amount of time.
As for the week, my concern was whether I could get away with *less* than a week without looking bad, or if a week was sort of the minimum polite length of time for one without a job.
I'm not sure if my dad owns a DVD player; he's never been one for tv (proof positive that we have little in common). I can definitely take books, though. We have some two-player games that wouldn't take up too much space in a suitcase, too, but I'm not sure if my dad would want to play games. I still worry that we'll be sitting around twiddling our thumbs.
Personally, I would go for a week. I think less might be a waste of money, and that I might regret it later. What if you are there and are having a great time and have to cut it short because of your worries that you wouldn't have anything to do? To me, that would be worse than getting there and being bored and not being able to find entertainment through reading/writing/doing creative stuff/games/walks. Maybe you could research the area a bit, and find out if there is anything nearby that would be at all entertaining... museums, movie theaters, natural things to walk to, etc.
I seriously doubt that there are any museums or movie theaters nearby, since I get the impression he doesn't even live in a town. Walks would be a good idea if his leg is working right and he lives in an area conducive to walking. While talking to Shannon today, I remembered that my dad and I used to play cribbage together, so that's another thing we can do.
One thing I'm worried about is that he might get sick again between now and then. I hope not, though.