Kimberly (kimberly_a) wrote,
Kimberly
kimberly_a

  • Mood:

On Failure

I realized something tonight. Something that's hard to admit. I realized that I'm a sore loser.

I mean, I'm okay with losing when I've made a clear and creditable effort, when I lose by some reasonably small margin. What I'm not good at is losing by a really large margin, losing by a landslide. I don't know how to truly fail gracefully.

I do okay if I keep reminding myself that losing is okay, that no small children will die as a result (since this is, most often, true), so I guess perhaps I could just try to make that more of a habit. I become so desperately invested in things that don't matter ... it's really ridiculous.

I need to learn to distinguish between things that are important and things that aren't ... and not worry about losing at the things that aren't important.

Someday, after years of practice, perhaps I will be laid-back like Shannon. Or like the Buddha. That'll be me, kicking back with sunglasses on and quoting zen koans.

I can't really imagine it. I'm too high strung, too tightly wound. I'd like to relax on a large scale ... but I don't quite know how. It's something I've been working on for several years now, with very little success.

Something I continue to work on.
Tags: games
Subscribe

  • Mostly Fun with Meds and Christmas

    I haven't posted a journal entry in ages. I've had some kind of medication issue that has been causing me to sleep 12-14 hours/day, but we think we…

  • Bad dreams

    I had terrible dreams last night that woke me up repeatedly. The worst one was when I found a tiny kitten that had been disemboweled, and I was…

  • Things to remember

    Trump is not Ernie. He doesn't live in the same house with me and cannot physically harm me. I am not 6 years old. I have power and resources that I…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 7 comments