October 3rd, 2014

art, collage

Freaking Out in the Yarn Store

Wow. Yarn is really expensive. I think I'll be making the most expensive afghan ever, but if it helps me forget about the headaches, it will be worth it. In any case, it's going to be gorgeous. I'm using these hand-painted, ombre-effect yarns from Baah in shades of green, blue, and purple. The colors are incredibly saturated, which I love. If you're interested in crafts at all (or even just amazing colors), you should totally click on the links, because these yarns are stunning. (And they're machine washable!)

I've only crocheted 1 1/2 rows thus far, and this afghan is already making me very happy. $126 worth of happy, I guess. And that's only half the yarn; I didn't have enough money to buy the rest of it yet. Like I said, most expensive afghan EVER. But it will be my Headache Remedy Afghan. The headaches are bad enough that I'm putting literally all of my spending money for the next several weeks into it, and I'm totally fine with that. Escape from the headaches is worth the money to me. Who cares about money? I'd happily give someone $300 if they said it would give me dozens of headache-free hours. So that's basically what I'm doing.

I'm hoping this afghan will keep me busy and cheerful for as long as necessary to get me through until we figure out something to do about the headaches. I have a friend who says something about liking "problems that go away if you throw money at them," and I feel like I'm able to do a bit of that here. I don't care about money. I do care about headaches. I care very deeply about headaches.

So, take my money, Cakes and Purls. You're one of the coolest stores ever, anyway, and I'm happy to support local independent businesses ... especially neato funky ones.

Also, Marie, the owner of Cakes and Purls (a combination bakery and yarn store) was incredibly nice to me today. While I was in her store, looking at yarn, asking her all kinds of questions, she was giving me all kinds of great advice, not trying to sell me on expensive yarns, teaching me a bit about the different properties of yarns (how soft they are, how thick they are, how they're dyed, how difficult they are to clean, how much I would need for my project, etc.), and I was just loving her. There were cheaper yarns, and she told me all about them, but I just fell in love with the colors of these Baah ones.


And then I suddenly had a massive attack of withdrawal symptoms. I was standing there in her nice, comfy, air-conditioned store, excitedly talking to this nice lady about yarn, and then suddenly my head was splitting, I was pouring sweat, I was totally confused, and I started panicking. It was really scary and not a little embarrassing. I was clutching my head and wiping my face and muttering about how much I hurt and then I started crying. God. It sucked. Marie offered me water, offered me coffee to see if it might help my head, and just generally urged me to sit down (they have some tables and chairs, as well as a cushiony sofa upon which I collapsed) or go out to get something to eat if I thought that would help.

When the panic subsided a bit, I stepped outside to get some fresh air, but it was really hot outside today, so I went back in to the air conditioning, since sweat had already soaked through my clothes even in the slightly chilly shop. Marie just went about her business and let me rest on the sofa as long as I wanted. I think I sat in her shop for close to an hour, just trying to get a grip on myself so I could walk home.

Eventually, I did walk home, and Shannon immediately noticed that something was wrong when I got there. He gently reminded me that I could always phone him if something like this happens, so he could come and get me, but it didn't even occur to me when I was at Cakes and Purls. I was so confused and panicky, I just wanted to get calm enough to get home, and I didn't think about alternative ways to do that ... just waited until I felt able to do it the way I had originally planned: walking on my own. I was absolutely unable to problem-solve. I couldn't think at all.

I'm also feeling nervous about the fact that I asked Marie to order the rest of the yarn for me, and the woman who spins and dyes and just generally makes the yarn from whole sheep is sending my 5 skeins of Blue Iris to Cakes and Purls, and I don't have the money to pay for it yet. I'm hoping it will be okay with Marie if I buy it one skein each week. I just wasn't thinking very well when I placed the order, just thinking about my wonderful Afghan of the Future and how it was going to be my headache solution. And then there was my total freak out. On the way home, I suddenly started fretting about the order I'd placed and how I'm going to pay for it, but it'll all work out. Maybe we can work out a sort of layaway plan. I can give her a deposit, and then give her more money each week. That sounds reasonable, right? Do people even know about layaway anymore? We used to buy things (even clothes) by layaway a lot when I was a kid.

I decided that the increased dosage of the Neurontin (I upped it back to 600 mg/day last night) contributed to what happened today. It makes me simultaneously muzzy-headed and agitated, and I think the combination helped cause the drama in the yarn shop. I'd already noticed that I've been exhibiting some symptoms of hypomania recently (mostly just talking fast and having trouble staying on topic), but I've also been lethargic most of the time, which is pretty much the opposite of my hypomanic self. I haven't been running around working on a thousand projects, my mind racing a million miles a minute; instead, I've been lying on the couch: crocheting, listening to podfics, and playing a video game on Shannon's iPad. When I'm hypomanic, I don't just sit still for hours at a stretch, doing nothing, thinking nothing. This is some weird new phenomenon.

So I'm pretty sure the weird symptoms have been coming from the Neurontin, and I therefore lowered the dose back to 500 mg today. It's unfortunate, because my headache (aside from the attack in the yarn shop) was actually gone much of the day, which is exactly what happened the last time I upped the dosage to 600. The psychological side effects just aren't tolerable. Still, it's good to know that the headache-relieving effect is so immediate, since it's happened both times I upped the dosage to 600 mg. If I have periods of time when the headaches are unbearable, I can just plan a day or two of staying at home & hiding from the world, and up the dosage temporarily just to give myself a brief break. It's nice to know that I have that option in the future, that the headaches don't have to be completely unrelenting.

Plus, there's the Headache Remedy Afghan.

So things are, strangely enough, looking up at the moment. From my perspective, anyway. I have a headache-reliever for when I absolutely can't stand it anymore, and I have a crochet project to keep me distracted the rest of the time. The combination has left me very optimistic this evening.