April 15th, 2014

dreams, insomnia, sleep


Another nightmare last night. For some reason, I had exerted considerable effort to get into some kind of animal enclosure. It involved very careful manipulation of barbed wire. I was getting myself into a position to watch two animals—possibly large cats like cheetahs?—and I did it more than once, but it was only the final time that I was caught doing it.

"They" (I have no idea who) told me that the animals with whom I'd been so fascinated would now have to be euthanized, because my infiltrating their location had somehow tainted them, ruined an experiment, made them dangerous, or something. I think "they" said it had made the animals dangerous, like they would now attack people because they'd seen me more closely than they were supposed to.

I started crying, just sobbing and sobbing, because these animals I'd loved so much that I traversed considerable amounts of barbed wire fencing repeatedly in order to watch them ... they were going to die because of me, because I'd wanted to be near them.

I just remember sobbing and sobbing and sobbing.
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