September 4th, 2013

blah (artist: Alma-Tadema)

Just bitching and moaning and whining

So so nauseated again tonight. Just terrible. Could it be related to how much I'm doing? I've been trying to get more exercise lately -- walking places instead of taking the bus, as I'd been doing for weeks -- and Sunday I did a lot, but that's days and days ago.

Monday I didn't do much, resting after my busy Sunday,

Tuesday I walked to and from CWC (about 3 miles round-trip), was social and did art for nearly 3 hours at CWC, and walked to and from the optometrist (which isn't even a mile round-trip).

Today I walked to and from therapy (about 2 miles round-trip), had a not-particularly-difficult therapy session, and did 3 loads of laundry. Otherwise, I just laid around feeling tired and nauseated, reading Sherlock/John fica I already know well, and watching crappy tv shows about murderers. It doesn't seem like I'm doing too much, but I don't know why else the nausea would be so much worse this week.

Maybe I should take the bus sometimes … it's just so frustrating to be getting no exercise & feel so dependent on something I can't control. Plus, thanks to the Seroquel, I'm hungry almost constantly, so I'm eating what seems like a lot, then sitting on my butt.

Tonight, for the last 2 hours or so, I've been really hungry and nauseated at the same time. I can't explain how that works, but it's unpleasant.

In an effort to sort of get my head on straight and feel less negative, I got a Thich Nhat Hanh audiobook from the library, and I've been trying to listen to it, but I just can't concentrate on it, even though TNH's writing style is very simple and straightforward. I find myself just drifting off and then tuning back in to realize I have no idea how much I've missed. So I turned on music, instead. At least that didn't frustrate me and make me feel even worse.

Also, when typing journal entries, I've been making tons and tons of typos. I go back and fix most of them, but sometimes I just give up and move on.

Both my body and my brain hate me. I'm trying not to return the sentiment.