April 17th, 2012

don't want the world to see me

(no subject)

I'm having a strange post-Cobweb day. I'm still feeling disconcerted, off balance, uncertain, shellshocked, and so I'm continuing to treat myself. I figure I won't continue on with this extravagance too long -- I mean, I'm eating really unhealthily, all comfort foods -- but a couple days to bounce back doesn't seem unreasonable. So I'm cutting myself a generous amount of slack.

So today I went to the new SockShop that opened on Telegraph very recently -- a store I've been eagerly anticipating for weeks, if not months -- and spent $57.65 of my tax refund on funky socks. The socks are making me happy, and I haven't even worn any of them yet. They're mostly just a bunch of stripes and funky colors, which I plan to mix-and-match:

Brights, stripes, polka dots, tie-dye, and Tetris

My favorite are the Tetris socks. I found some men's Tetris socks years ago, and they're still widely available, but nobody was making any Tetris socks for women. Now, finally, someone does!

Then I went to the Daiso store on Telegraph, which is full of the most amazing, wonderful, ingenious plastic Japanese crap I've ever seen. I kept walking the aisles with wide eyes, just marveling at the weirdness and fabulosity. (I avoided the pet supply section, though.) I even found something I've actively been seeking for a few months: decorative pushpins. I'd seen some I liked online, but they were expensive enough that I hadn't gotten around to buying any. These ones at the Daiso store were $1.50 a box. Score! (One of the sets of pushpins is all stripes. Notice a theme here? Striped socks, striped pushpins? I've been on a stripe kick since we saw Seussical several months ago.)

I also dropped off some jeans at the tailor to be hemmed, something I've been meaning to do for months, and was ensnared in Jim the Tailor's apparent loneliness, as he talked my ear off for a good 20 minutes about how he immigrated to the U.S. from Germany in 1955, and how poorly the U.S. authorities treated immigrants then, and how people complain about the "N" word nowadays, but how he got called "the other 'N' word" (which he explained meant "Nazi," in case I hadn't picked up on that), and how his first boss in Oakland asked him if he knew Adolf Hitler personally, and how he later went into the U.S. army and was stationed back in Germany, and how the servicemen's wives had to bunk with German families off-base, and when the troops had to relocate in the middle of the night, someone had to go round up all the womenfolk, and how his mother-in-law hated Germany, and blah blah blah. This guy is always talkative, but today he was really on a roll. I eventually had to just start walking toward the door while he was still talking and pretty much cut him off. An interesting guy, to be sure, but I wasn't really looking for a new best friend today.

Now I think I'll go play with my new socks.

PS: Thank you to everyone who commented on my journal entries about Cobweb. I really appreciate the support, even though I haven't been big on replying right now.
me blue hair

(no subject)

I've been feeling guilty today, because as the hours have worn on it has become clearer and clearer to me that my life is tremendously easier without Sick Cobweb in it. Of course of course of course I would prefer to have Healthy Cobweb in my life, and my life would be better than it is now, but a day without Sick Cobweb has been so much less stressful than a life with her. It makes me feel rotten, like I'm glad she's dead. I'm not glad, of course, and yet I can't deny that things are easier.

For the last several months, especially the last few months, I've been feeling like we were grabbing Cobweb, holding her down, and doing mean things to her several times a day. We were trying to help her, of course, but I'm sure it didn't look like that from her side of things. Sometimes when I reached down just to pet her, she would run away from me, clearly reacting to how often we tortured her. Watching her run from me was heartbreaking.

I was telling Shannon today that before the last few months, I'd never seen her run from me before ... but it triggered a really funny memory of her, a memory that makes me smile. I actually do remember her running from me once previously. When she was young, she loved tomatoes. If I ate anything with tomatoes or tomato sauce, she would hover around eagerly, sniffing the air. When she was maybe 2 years old, I was making myself some spaghetti, and I had put the cooked noodles in a bowl and put some tomato sauce on them, and I had turned around just for a brief second to take the pot off the stove and put it in the sink. When I turned back around, I saw Cobweb on the table with her head in the bowl of spaghetti. I shouted and ran at her, and she took off like a shot, with a long strand of spaghetti dangling out of her mouth, leaving a trail of spaghetti sauce behind her. Even at the time, with my dinner ruined and my apartment floor and furniture slimed with tomato sauce, I couldn't help laughing and laughing. Good memories.