May 26th, 2007


(no subject)

Same old stuff.

I keep thinking about Edie, about the fact that my dad asked if I would take her, but I foisted her off on someone else. I thought she would be happier being able to go outside, but now I can't stop regretting my decision. I think she would have been happier with us, and I know I'd be happier with her. I keep thinking over how I could have done things differently, going over the things I would have needed to do in order to bring her home with me on the plane. Going over it again and again isn't helping anything, though. I need to figure out how to let it go.

I've also been ruminating over the Friday night when I went to bed instead of talking to my dad. And a few of the times when his eyes were open on Saturday I didn't go to him because I didn't know what to say, which I now desperately regret. I could have just gone to him and held his hand, and that would have been enough. But no. I just sat there. I didn't realize that time was so short or I would have behaved very differently. I keep remembering his eyes on me. What was he thinking?

I'm just obsessed right now with regrets. I keep crying.