May 23rd, 2007


Home again

Last night I flew in to SFO, and not long afterward I was home. It's a huge relief to be back, though I still have loads of things to do, some pertaining to my dad's death and some just pertaining to my own life that got put on hold for a week and a half, rescheduling appointments and such.

I'm bitterly regretting not taking my dad's cat, Edie. His friend Bruce offered to take her, and I figured she would be happy there, since she would be able to go outside (which she wouldn't be able to do where I live), but when we visited Bruce's house when we dropped off Edie my last night in Nebraska, his wife said something about the cats not being allowed on the furniture. That got me really worried, because that's how Edie socializes with people, by jumping up on chairs to get close to you and jumping up on the bed to cuddle in the morning. If the cats stay on the ground, then people won't interact with them as much, and Edie is used to a lot of interaction. She's an incredibly sweet, affectionate cat, but I didn't take her because I didn't think she would be happy being 100% indoors if there was another option. Now I wish I'd brought her home with me. I called Bruce today and told him that I would like to have him ship her to me, so I've since spent time (with Shannon's help) trying to figure out how to do that. It'll be expensive and a big bother (especially for Bruce, who may choose not to help), but I just fell in love with her in the week or so after my dad's death.

Speaking of which, I sort of lost it in the Phoenix airport on my way home, and started sobbing. Then I started crying on the phone with my brother this morning, too, when I told him that Dad had been thinking about him and wanting to see him. I've even been crying about Edie. I'm doing okay, but I seem to be falling apart more easily now that I'm away from all the constant go-going. I still can't believe that my dad is actually gone. Fairly literally can't believe it, in that on some level I still expect to talk to him next week for our usual phone call. I can't really grasp the concept of death in the concrete. In the abstract, sure, but when it's my dad, not so much. And I was standing right there when he died, but that doesn't seem to make it any more real.

Anyway, I'm glad to be home. I'm glad to be with Shannon and the cats (though I do miss Edie) and to have an entire wardrobe of clothes to choose from. I'm glad to walk down the street without having to say hello to anyone who passes by. I'm glad to have dozens of restaurants to choose from. I'm glad to no longer be facing monstrous mosquitoes in the evening. I'm even just glad to be able to recycle bottles and cans again. (That was driving me batty while I was away.)

Now if only Edie were here. I hope Bruce is willing to go to the bother of sending her to us.