May 10th, 2007


(no subject)

I'm pretty much ready to go. (I leave for Nebraska tomorrow morning.) It turns out that the friends who've been taking care of my dad for the past month will be there during my whole stay, so I won't be alone with him, after all. I mean, they won't be in the house with us all the time, but they'll be around. (They are living in a motor home parked in front of my dad's house.) So I don't need to worry so much about taking care of him. That's a relief.

In the "not a relief" camp, however, is the fact that I talked to my dad today and he was doing very badly. He sounded terrible. He said that the hospice nurse told him he doesn't have long. I hope he's just having a bad day and that he'll be feeling better while I'm there, but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I'm trying to stay positive without deluding myself, but it's hard. I swing back and forth between the extremes: pessimism and blind optimism. It's difficult to strike a balance.

From talking to my dad's friend Ken, I got the impression that he and his wife plan to stick around until my dad dies. It's good to know that he has good friends taking care of him. It really brings home the fact that this is the final stretch, though, which is hard.

I'm expecting this to be an emotionally difficult trip.
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