Kimberly (kimberly_a) wrote,
Kimberly
kimberly_a
  • Mood: ashamed

Eye of the Beholder

This morning, on my way into the shower, I found myself in front of the bathroom mirror. I was bending over to rinse my mouth after brushing my teeth, and suddenly I noticed how my stomach looked as I bent over. It didn't used to look like that. My body didn't used to fold that way. Who is that person in the mirror?

I found myself holding a roll of stomach fat in my hand and thinking, "This didn't used to be here!" I found myself entertaining fairly obsessive exercise thoughts about how many hours I could spend at the gym if I really put effort into it. How many pounds I could lose if I just got off my lazy ass.

I felt hideous, and -- at the same time -- pissed at myself for feeling hideous.

I want to see that body in the mirror and love it, instead of seeing rolls of fat. Not there yet, though.
Tags: weight
Subscribe

  • On Feeling Broken

    My therapist (Melissa) has been on vacation for the past two weeks, and normally I would just take a brief break from therapy while she's gone, but…

  • Sick

    I got sick Monday evening with some sort of intestinal problem, and it hasn't gone away. After a few days, I went to the doctor (and my BP was 75/57,…

  • Weight Gain

    I've been feeling very unhappy with my weight lately. I took Seroquel for 3 weeks (as part of our attempts to treat my recent mood issues), and I…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    switch
    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    Help
  • 5 comments