Fuck. I didn't do my PT neck stretches reliably while we were on vacation or during the week+ that I was sick after we got home ... and my occipital neuralgia headache is back. It's not at its worst (yet), but my scalp is very painful again (feels like getting stabbed in the head every time I brush my bangs to the side) and nothing helps the headache (except distraction) and it's absolutely unrelenting (for the past two days). I just can't help remembering what it was like when these headaches were at their worst, when I couldn't focus on anything–not tv, not an audiobook or podfic, not a conversation, nothing–and I would just lie down in the bed for hours, just crying. Days at a stretch.

Just this past hour or so it's gotten bad enough that I'm not able to reread favorite fanfics anymore, which is what I've been doing to distract myself the rest of the day. I keep frantically doing the PT stretches every few hours, because I think that maybe helped at one point, but thus far it's only getting worse.

I took my extra .25 mg of Xanax for the day a little bit ago, just because I can feel myself starting to panic at the memory of how bad these headaches used to get and how helpless I was against them. I don't want to feel like that again! It was the worst period of my life!