Kimberly (kimberly_a) wrote,
Kimberly
kimberly_a

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Instability

So, yeah, haven't written in my journal in a while.

It's been a month of pretty intense instability. I started taking the Zoloft to help with the depression, but after 2 weeks it sent me hypomanic, so I had to taper off, which I did slowly (with input from my former psychiatrist, who I phoned to consult, since I've been doing all this medication management on my own for the past month+).

Anyway, so I finished up with the Zoloft on Tuesday & now I'm anti-depressant-free, but still hypomanic & having serious anxiety issues. Luckily, I'm seeing another prospective new psychiatrist on Tuesday. I am optimistic. And boy could I use the help!

Whenever I'm hypomanic, I feel like I should jump on the stuff at the bottom of my To Do list, the stuff that never gets done, because why not take advantage of the crazy? So today I finally finished filling out the paperwork to file a complaint against the Evil Meds Doc with the California medical board. I started filling out this paperwork back in 2014, but things have just been rocky since I went off the lithium when the kidney disease was diagnosed in 2013, and I've never managed to finish it up. So today I finished it up and plan to send it in this week. It probably won't have any effect, but at least I will feel like I've done *something* to stand up for myself and for the other people whose health he has the power to ruin.

Um ... what else? I've become a Tyler Oakley fan on YouTube lately, because I love how perky and positive he is, and he has the funniest laugh ever, and he's my personal antidote to Trump. I'm having trouble dealing with all the stuff that's been going on in the world right now, with all the shootings and the racism and the hatred and The Donald, so I keep thinking I should stay off Facebook until my mental health is a bit more stable, but I keep going back, because I want to know what's going on. It's like when my anxiety was really really severe 10 or 15 years ago, and I was convinced that murderers were going to break into our house during the night, and so I was afraid to sleep upstairs, because then they could break in and I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW! So I insisted on sleeping on the living room floor, so that I would hear if someone came in through the back door, because if there was going to be danger, then I would rather at least be aware. That's how I feel now about all the stuff that's going on. Some people say ignorance is bliss, but ignorance scares the shit out of me.

Tags: anxiety, depression, evil meds doc, hypomania, kidneys, malpractice, meds-lithium, meds-zoloft
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