I'm feeling the same, emotionally.
Recent blood tests showed some unexpected liver abnormalities. My (relatively new) GP said, "Let's wait 2 months and test again to see if anything has changed," but my nephrologist thinks she's being too relaxed about the whole thing and recommends that I get an ultrasound. I really don't feel up to fighting for an ultrasound, so I'll probably just wait the 2 months and do the repeat blood tests. I don't have much fight in me right now.
My health insurance has decided not to cover the latest med my Meds Doc had me trying, so I'm in meds limbo, waiting to hear back from Meds Doc re: what I should do now. It's a complicated situation, because I'd just gotten to to the effective dosage of the mood stabilizer (the med that isn't being covered), and so had just finally added in a bit of antidepressant ... but now I have to go off the mood stabilizer, and I probably shouldn't be on an antidepressant without one or risk causing mood cycling. And, in the meantime, I just continue being depressed.
I'm anxious about what Meds Doc and I are going to do, because I think I've tried all the mood stabilizers, and they all were eliminated for one reason or another. What do we do if there aren't any more mood stabilizers to try? Am I just stuck with unstable moods? Do we gamble, and try an antidepressant without the support of a mood stabilizer? Stress. And I just want to stop being depressed. A healthy liver would be nice, too.
Oh, and I saw my nephrologist, and it turns out that my kidneys haven't actually improved; it was just a temporary blip in lab results. As of now, I'm back to a creatinine of 1.41, which is where I've been since going off the lithium. So ... the kidneys aren't worse, but I thought they were better and they're not. Sigh.