Kimberly (kimberly_a) wrote,

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Dreaming of Rapists

Last night I dreamt that I and my sister/roommate/fellow female child had built a sort of "office" for two old male relatives in our bedroom closet. We'd spent a lot of time on it, furnishing it and arranging it just so. Its creation was a big secret—it was a surprise present for them. Their relationship to us was not clearly defined, but I was sort of assuming they were our grandfathers, because there were two of them & that would sort of make sense, if anything in the dream were to make rational sense. They seemed old, they were definitely large, and they seemed sort of ... cold. (Now, awake, I of course interpret these two men as Ernie & my evil grandpa, for reasons which will become increasingly apparent.)

At some point, I was arguing with one of the men about something completely unrelated, and spontaneously revealed the Secret Surprise Grandpa Closet Office to him as some kind of evidence of something (that we were good girls? that he should be nicer to us? that we were better people than him?), but he just pointed out every single stupid thing about it. I looked at it while he was talking & realized that it was way too small for one of them to fit in there (this seems grotesquely sexual now that I'm awake), let alone both. Bookcases filled up most of the space, but there was a small desk set up, as well, which I pointed out. The GrandpaMan just basically said it was all crap & nothing they would ever actually want or use. I felt humiliated and stupid.

Later in the dream, one of the men did something that made me really really angry (I don't remember what), and I launched myself at him, screaming at him, calling him a rapist, knowing that I wasn't supposed to be revealing this (other people were there), that it was a big secret, but I felt defiant, like I was using this word to hit him. Then I ran away. I think I attacked him again later, though it may have only been verbally.

Hmm. Two men, at least one of whom I called "a rapist"? Upon waking, before reaching full consciousness, I thought to myself that they were obviously Ernie & my evil grandpa & the fellow female child was clearly my mom.

The rest must wait for interpretation, because I need to leave the house soon—big plans! Even before the anniversary dinner tonight, big art plans! Sara (the CWC intern) and I are planning to apply mineral spirit acrylic varnish to my mom's old painting today to prep it for collage. Neither of us has ever done this before, so we're wanting to make sure we have as much time as possible to figure it out. Adventure!
Tags: anger, art, clc, collage, cwc, dreams, ernie, grandpa, mom, rape, the juliet project

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