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learning to ask for help

I just realized yesterday that I can actually ask friends with cars for help sometimes, now that it's harder for me to go long distances, haul heavy stuff in my backpack, etc. It totally hadn't occurred to me until yesterday that friends with cars might be willing to help occasionally, and that I could ask. I even have two car-owning friends who don't work, and so are often free even during the day.

I'm just used to doing everything myself with no need for a car -- and I've always been proud of it, it's a significant part of my self-image -- but the times they are a changin'.

Maybe my doc will figure out that something non-kidney-related is causing or exacerbating my fatigue, and maybe there will be something we can do about it, and maybe I will go back to being the sturdy, capable, independent gal I was before, able to walk a couple miles wearing a backpack full of 10 32-oz bottles of Gatorade, but for now, I need help.

I'm not so good at asking for help. I never have been. I love to help people and am pretty much always eager to do so, but the reverse is more difficult for me, like I'm proclaiming that I am weak.

Well, we're all weak sometimes, in some ways. Some of us more than others. No shame in it, I know, but it still feels uncomfortable.


Aug. 20th, 2013 03:10 am (UTC)
When abostick59's mother was dying, I made a conscious decision to learn to ask for help while I was healthy, because I could see how hard it was for her to learn in a weakened condition. I wouldn't say I've done spectacularly at it, but I've made some distance. From what I see from the outside, you're kind of partway between the state she was in and a strong state, and learning will be harder, so go you for trying!

Also, on this last trip I figured out that my "I never travel with luggage I can't handle myself" was a privileged statement. I did travel with luggage I could handle myself, though my shoulder bag got awfully heavy when the laptop was in it and I had to walk long distances. But someday I will likely have to travel with luggage I can't handle myself, and I need to make the transition in my brain to see that as reasonable.

Hard shit, worth doing, in my opinion.

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