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Cobweb's absence

I know most people don't write so much when they lose a pet. I wonder why that is. Losing Cobweb is a major event in my life.

The house feels empty. Not physically empty -- as Cobweb was, by now, a very small cat -- but emotionally empty. For months now, I'd been expending so much time, energy, and attention on her that it feels like suddenly half my life is abruptly gone. What do I do with all this time and attention I spent trying to get her to eat, giving her subcutaneous fluids, giving her pills, watching if she was using the litter box, analyzing whether she was losing or gaining weight, checking on her throughout the day, etc.? I mean, obviously, my life gets back to what it was before she got sick -- I'll take better care of myself, for example -- but the sudden change is jarring.

It sounds stupid, but maybe now I'll get around to removing the unsightly remnants of the nail polish I put on my toes back in February. It's been bothering me for weeks, but I just never seemed to have enough energy to deal with something so frivolous and selfish.

I guess now frivolous stuff comes back into my life.

I was going to write about the actual experience at the vet this morning, but I've decided that I don't actually need to remember that in detail. I'd prefer to remember her in life.

Note: Shannon wrote a long journal entry about his memories of Cobweb, which I'm linking here for my own future use, but if you actually knew Cobweb (and don't already read Shannon's journal), you may be interested.



( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 17th, 2012 07:57 am (UTC)
Remember, there is no wrong way to grieve. Some people can't talk about it at all, other people can't shut up. It's OK.

When my friend Jack suddenly lost his doberman, he was besides himself. He was an elderly, lonely bachelor, and that dog was all he had in the world. He must have talked about Ringo to anyone and everyone who happened to be standing near him. I let him tell me the same Ringo stories over and over again, and I could tell that he was extremely grateful that I didn't walk away or look bored.

I am sure that Cobweb is sending you kitty love from Heaven.
Apr. 17th, 2012 08:43 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss. May she rest in peace.
Apr. 17th, 2012 12:15 pm (UTC)
I can't think about this too much because it makes me sad about the kitty we lost a couple of years ago. Death is sooo hard. I am thinking of you. *Hugs and loves*
Apr. 17th, 2012 07:09 pm (UTC)
What everybody else here said. People grieve in very different ways and it's all normal.

And I'm sorry. Death sucks.
Apr. 17th, 2012 07:12 pm (UTC)
I often don't write much about losing pets, because it's just too hard. For years I would cry when I thought about the color of my cat's eyes, or how much he loved to cuddle. If I think of it too much now, I still want to cry. It's not really something I want to try to capture with words.

I don't think I'm very good at dealing with death in general.
Apr. 17th, 2012 10:55 pm (UTC)
I'm very sorry for your loss. Those of us who love dogs or cats understand just how empty the house feels when one of them passes, even if other animals remain. You gave her a good life with lots of love. Try to take some comfort in that.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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