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Dad Stuff

I've been thinking a lot about my dad. Morbid thoughts, like "Am I going to fly out there for the funeral? What would I wear?" I mean, I think I should go to the funeral, but if I have to choose between that and going out to visit him while he's still alive, then the choice is obvious. But everyone will think I'm a terrible daughter if I don't go. As opposed to a poor daughter, which is more accurate. And I feel like a terrible daughter for even thinking all this stuff when he's still alive.

I'm also very worried about his leg. They say that the large tumor is putting a lot of pressure on his spine (that's why they're hurrying to do the surgery tomorrow), so maybe he'll be able to move his leg again after the surgery, but I'm still worried about permanent damage. I'm also just generally worried about the surgery. You never know.

I want to go visit him in October for a few days. Maybe a week. I'm a little nervous about staying more than a few days, because what would we say to each other for that long? I mean, we never talk on the phone for more than a few minutes. And I couldn't just retreat into the Internet for part of the day, since he isn't online. I'd just be ... there ... with nothing to do. I have no idea how he spends his days. He doesn't live in a town or anything -- he's out in the middle of nowhere. But staying only a few days when I have no job or anything seems sort of impolite.

I guess I'm worrying a lot about what other people will think of me. That's nothing new.

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( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
missmurchison
Sep. 8th, 2006 02:29 am (UTC)
It's normal to think about things like that, just as it's normal to be freaked out over thinking it. But why wouldn't you think about how you'd cope if the worst happens in any situation? Why is this different.

I also know what it's like not to be able to afford to visit a sick relative as much as you'd like, or finding it hard to talk, even to someone you really care about, because what you have in common is mostly just your love as family.

What you feel is what you feel.
kimberly_a
Sep. 8th, 2006 06:47 am (UTC)
Thanks. The whole situation is just making me crazy.
wolflady26
Sep. 8th, 2006 09:39 am (UTC)
I'm kind of freaked out about my dad, too, right now, and trying to come up with ways to visit. Probably won't happen until Christmas, though.

And as for what to do there - bring books, some DVDs, and some of your favorite 2-person board games. Maybe your dad would like to be introduced to Buffy, or to Firefly. Most towns have a video store for backup, or if you don't own the series you think he'd like. Bring along a suduko book and a games magazine. You can also take long walks for a break, and as stress relief. You won't have to spend all that time making conversation with him - just being there will mean a lot. And a week is a respectable amount of time.
cartman94501
Sep. 8th, 2006 04:36 pm (UTC)
I agree wholeheartedly. Do what feels right to you and don't worry so much about what other people think of you. It's your life, not theirs.
kimberly_a
Sep. 8th, 2006 05:49 pm (UTC)
I read about your concerns for your dad, but I didn't know what to say. I hope you find ways to take care of yourself.

As for the week, my concern was whether I could get away with *less* than a week without looking bad, or if a week was sort of the minimum polite length of time for one without a job.

I'm not sure if my dad owns a DVD player; he's never been one for tv (proof positive that we have little in common). I can definitely take books, though. We have some two-player games that wouldn't take up too much space in a suitcase, too, but I'm not sure if my dad would want to play games. I still worry that we'll be sitting around twiddling our thumbs.
wolflady26
Sep. 8th, 2006 08:46 pm (UTC)
The thing is, I think most people hate to sit around bored. Bringing the games might not work out - he might not like them. But then again, he might be eager to have something to do with you that you both enjoy, and that takes his mind off of his illness.

Personally, I would go for a week. I think less might be a waste of money, and that I might regret it later. What if you are there and are having a great time and have to cut it short because of your worries that you wouldn't have anything to do? To me, that would be worse than getting there and being bored and not being able to find entertainment through reading/writing/doing creative stuff/games/walks. Maybe you could research the area a bit, and find out if there is anything nearby that would be at all entertaining... museums, movie theaters, natural things to walk to, etc.
kimberly_a
Sep. 8th, 2006 10:51 pm (UTC)
Good point about having to leave too early being worse than sticking around and being bored.

I seriously doubt that there are any museums or movie theaters nearby, since I get the impression he doesn't even live in a town. Walks would be a good idea if his leg is working right and he lives in an area conducive to walking. While talking to Shannon today, I remembered that my dad and I used to play cribbage together, so that's another thing we can do.

One thing I'm worried about is that he might get sick again between now and then. I hope not, though.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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