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The Ballad of the Bad Haircut

Yesterday I noticed that I have the longest hair of anyone in my tai chi class (it reaches around the middle of my back). This was something of a shock, and convinced me that I actually do have longish hair again.

About ... oh ... almost three years ago, I guess it was ... I got The Haircut From Hell. I had decided that I rather liked my shoulder-length cut and was interested in taking it a bit shorter. So I talked in detail with the guy at the salon about how I wanted something shorter but still quite feminine, and I showed him a bunch of photos with examples of the sort of thing I wanted. All had quite a bit of length on top.

Well, apparently this guy had some sort of listening disability, because I ended up with not one hair on my head longer than 1/2". I am blind as a bat without my glasses on, so I didn't realize the damage until he was done and I put my glasses on and looked in the mirror and immediately went into a sort of numb, mute shock. By the time I'd walked home, however, the horror had truly set in.

I came into the house, and Shannon (not yet then my hubby) was sitting on the couch, watching tv. This meant he had his back to the door. He began to turn around when he heard the door, only to see a blur as I ran through the room, wailing pitifully, "Don't look at me!" I ran to my bedroom, slammed the door, threw myself full-length on the bed, and proceeded to indulge in a true, all-out, pre-teen-style sobfest. Shannon wisely left me alone until I had composed myself.

I emerged, eventually, wearing an A's baseball cap. Shannon eyed me warily, apparently not sure what he should say. He wanted to see the haircut, certain that it couldn't be all that bad. I refused. I insisted that I would wear the hat every moment until my hair had grown out a couple inches. He, being the eternal smart ass, asked, "Even in bed and in the shower?" and I grumped in response, "YES!"

Well, it took a painfully long time to grow out. And no, I didn't wear a hat the entire time. The haircut looked terrible on me, because I have pudgy cheeks. I looked like Charlie Brown, the round-headed kid ... with breasts. The growing-out period was so painful that I ended up keeping my hair short (though not that short!) for quite a while, until I decided to just let it grow, starting a little less than 2 years ago. I've had it trimmed significantly once in that time, but otherwise I'm just letting it go wild.

My youthful mistrust of hairstylists has returned, full force. Keep those scissors away from me! Within a couple years, I'll probably be sitting on my hair again.



( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 6th, 2002 07:32 pm (UTC)
And this is part of the reason why I do my own hair. I trust myself to not screw up. Granted, I just use electric clippers and keep it nice and short, but I figure I've saved a couple hundred bucks by not going to a barber in the past 5 years or so.

Of course, I'm just being stubborn by not keeping my hair longer (longer = a couple inches, even). When I grow it out, it's nice and wavy and soft and stuff and women apparently like it. But dammit, if I let it grow long I'd look like a woman sans breasts (given that I have longer eyelashes than most of my female friends who've noticed, and my hair in general is just very feminine). Well, I guess the beard might throw people off, too.

Yeah, stubborn. Stubborn and rambly.
Dec. 6th, 2002 11:42 pm (UTC)
In my experience, the overwhelming majority of men with long hair do not look at all like women. And, living in the San Francisco Bay Area, I know a lot of men with long hair.

On the other hand, I do have one good friend who is extremely tall (okay, yes, I'm not the best judge of such things since I'm only 5'1", but he's like 6'5" or something ... Matt, if you're reading this, how tall are you?), with quite a bulky but masculine build and lovely long dark hair, and he started growing a beard because someone called him "ma'am".

On the other other hand, some people are just stupid. I once was called "sir" by a cashier someplace or other when I had hair to my waist (worn loose) and was wearing a tight tank-top which showed significant cleavage. Add to this the fact (again) that I am only 5'1" ... and I figure that person basically just had to be blind.

I say if you like your hair longer, then grow it longer. When I had my dreadful 1/2"-long hair, no one seemed to think I was a guy. They thought I was a lesbian, but they didn't think I was a guy.
Dec. 7th, 2002 09:27 am (UTC)
Re: blind people
I promise you that if you ever greet me with your hair loose and you're wearing a tight tank-top, showing significant cleavage, I will never, ever call you sir.
Dec. 9th, 2002 01:54 pm (UTC)
6'2" tall, and pretty heavy. But with a just 'stocky' build. But of course, it helps that I live in Colorado.

And, it add embarrassment to embarrassment, it wasn't just someone. I was out at a very nice middle eastern place with the wife for our anniversary, sitting there on the floor and enjoying the meal. They have a belly dancer for the 'entertainment' portion of the evening, which wasn't bad. Only bad when she asked my wife and I if either of us nice ladies wanted to get up and join her. Sigh. I haven't shaved since.

-=- Matt
Dec. 7th, 2002 09:46 am (UTC)
Re: Men and hair
My hair has been called feminine as well, but do I look female in the pictures in this entry or in this picture?

I think the beard would probably help even more. Since the best I can do on face growth is get something Scooby Doo's best-buddy, then I don't bother.
Dec. 7th, 2002 10:01 am (UTC)
Re: Men and hair
Well see, that's the thing; if I'm cleanshaven, with decently long hair, I do look like a girl (aside from the wrong plumbing and lack of chest growth). It used to freak me out, but I've never really thought about it, as it's been kept short since my brain started working (read: when I got out of high school).

Maybe I should grow it long and keep myself shaved for a while, see what happens. Figure it can't hurt the lovelife, and I still wouldn't be spending any money on haircuts. Would cost me money to get a better razor though, my current one irritates my skin somethin' fierce.
Dec. 7th, 2002 06:35 am (UTC)
Have you ever noticed that when you have really long hair it's not just your hair, it's everybody's hair? When mine got so long that I was sitting on it, I had about 5 inches lopped off, and my friends went ballistic: "You did WHAT?! How DARE you??" Like I was supposed to ask them for permission first.

And let's not forget the stupid question: "How do you get your hair so long?" Um, well, I don't cut it. Sheesh.
Dec. 7th, 2002 09:25 am (UTC)
Re: long hair
Uh-huh. Exactly.

Or random strangers coming up and touching your hair without any warning or permission. Dropping grannies in supermarkets is generally frowned upon but I've wanted to.

Some interesting lady and I were even recently talking about this.
Dec. 7th, 2002 01:24 pm (UTC)
I used to also get people asking me, "Have you ever cut your hair?" Well, duh. It only takes it 4 or 5 years to get to waist length. That's why I've had it short ... long ... short ... long ... short ... long ... so many times. All I have to do is not pay attention for a while and *boom* I've got long hair again.

I know some people's hair grows slowly and/or stops growing at a certain length. I don't have that problem. I've never had the patience to find out how long mine will grow, because it always starts to annoy me at a certain point (when I'm sitting on it, and people behind me at movie theatres are stepping on it on the arm rest, and it gets caught on the coat buttons of people passing me on the street, and that sort of thing) and I get it chopped short.

When I first cut my hair to shoulder length a few years ago, random people I would swear I'd never seen before stopped me in the grocery store, at the gym, on the street, on the bus to say, "Oh my god! You cut your hair!" I'd never realized my hair was a local landmark.
Dec. 7th, 2002 11:11 pm (UTC)
All I have to do is not pay attention for a while and *boom* I've got long hair again.

I know, huh?
Your story is just not what I needed to hear right now as I have been contemplating biting the bullet and going to an unknown stylist. I much prefer to go somewhere that's been recommended, but the only local recommendation I've gotten has been for an expensive place (say, $70 for a cut and style). Just can not afford that right now. But my hair really is too long. It's butt-length. The last stylist I had that I trusted is in a different part of the country. :(
Dec. 7th, 2002 09:19 am (UTC)
I had a similar "Haircut from hell experience". I asked for a bob, chin length. I ended up with a female mullet. I had a serious "Frankenstein" hairdo goin on. (It wasn't even the bride of Frankenstein . It was ole Frank himself) I ran home locked myself in the bathroom and cried. Granted this was the 80's, I am still weary about who cuts my hair.
Dec. 8th, 2002 03:16 pm (UTC)
:: waves ::

Hallo! Wandered over from review_you and fearsclave. ;) Added you as a friend, if that's ok with you. :)
Dec. 8th, 2002 03:23 pm (UTC)
Welcome! Feel free to participate in the discussions.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )

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