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Fat

Damn. Bad dreams last night. The only one I remember very well involved various people, one after the other, criticizing me about my weight. Strangers, family, and friends. Bleh.

Woke up, came out to read my friends list, and found 3 different posts from different people all about the glorious wonders of dieting. Hearing/reading about dieting has always felt like a slap in the face, a reiteration of the "fat is bad" message that my mother ground my nose into most of my life. It pretty much always inspires me to become obsessive about not eating and to feel really rotten about myself, no matter what my current weight. I could weigh 93 pounds, and it would still make me feel like crap. I know that dieting talk is rarely intended to send that message (though in my family it almost always is), but that knowledge doesn't change my emotional reaction.

These past few years, I have chosen in my life not to associate with people who identify fat as bad, because I do not find it helpful and usually find it hurtful.

Despite my own decision never to diet again after a quarter-century of doing so, I have absolutely no opinion on whether other people diet ... I just don't want to hear about it. I thought I had gleaned most of the eager dieters off my friends list previously. Probably time to do so again. No criticism intended to anyone ... just taking care of myself.

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( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
alycekat
Nov. 29th, 2003 03:04 pm (UTC)
eatting well & refusing to "diet
I was dreading Thanksgiving at home with the folks, knowing I'd be nagged about my weight, as has become customary, in the last decade, or so. (Ever since I became disabled, & thus stopped being able to be active, which was what kept me reasonably thin.)

Not that I feel good, physically, at this weight. Just that I dont need my mom (or anyone else) to rub my nose in the obvious. (I live in my body, so I know before anyone else when I am in pain, out of breath, etc.)

For me, given my personal medical history, and my family medical history, for that matter, being truly, medically obese, like I currently am (as opposed to the few extra pounds of "vanity fat" kind of "overweight") -this is actually unhealthy, for me. And I know my mom is concerned about it, from that point of view, as much as from any other reason. But still, I dont need her worry, on top of my own.

You have to eat to live, and I dont want to live the rest of my life on a diet. (Bad enough to know I'll be spending the rest of my life with the medical problems, without ruining what's left of the things I still can enjoy, in terms of my lifestyle.)

I have decided, instead, to live the rest of my life paying a bit more attention to my health, all the way around (including what I eat). When I was young, I drove faster & more recklessly, too. Then you realize you're mortal, after all. And worse yet, that some things make you suffer, rather than just outright killing you off. (A serious injury will do a lot to make you way more cautious.)
webmacher
Nov. 29th, 2003 10:56 pm (UTC)
I bet people who usually don't talk about dieting backslide into diet talk around the holidays... (not me, though. all I do is write about politics. I'm very boring.)
angelovernh
Nov. 30th, 2003 10:36 am (UTC)
Kimberly, I'm sorry that you had bad dreams.. and that anything I've posted on my journal has upset you.

Please understand this -

I am NOT DIETING to lose weight, I'm cutting sodium to lower my blood pressure - so I can get my birth control prescription. I haven't cut fat or anything else.

And I do not see fat as bad at all.


kimberly_a
Nov. 30th, 2003 01:39 pm (UTC)
Please don't worry about what I wrote. I was reacting to more than just your journal, and I do understand your motivations. Honestly, this wasn't about you. I just tend to overreact to issues that surround dieting, and that's my problem. Thanks for being sensitive to what I feel, but please don't feel responsible. It's just me.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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