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Stupid cat!

I was picking up our dumb cat (we have a dumb, anxious cat and a smart, depressed cat ... sigh) anyway, I was picking up our dumb cat a few minutes ago, and she got all wiggy for no apparent reason and started thrashing around sort of randomly and caught one of her claws in my earlobe. Gah! Now my ear won't stop bleeding, so I stopped petting the idiot cat (like she deserves it at this point!) and am clutching tissue to my ear. I feel like Vincent Van Gogh. If he had a really stupid cat.

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( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
tamarabass
Oct. 15th, 2002 08:27 am (UTC)
Ouch! Very not cool.
I shall now take this opportunity to talk about *me*. (Surprise.)

Once when I was like 12 years old, I was hanging out at my friend's house and she had a cat named "Helen." I took on the roll of The Stupid Person and picked up the cat and started dancing with her. Because I did it all the time with my sister's cat Horatio (my sister is better at naming cats than that friend was), and he seemed to actually like it.
Well Helen didn't.
She suddenly clawed at me and got her claw stuck in the skin directly beneath my lower eyelid.
So I'm yelling "help!help!" and my friend and the other girl there just totally ignore me, seemingly unconcerned with the fact that there is a cat hanging from my eye.
I may never forget that.
(Anonymous)
Oct. 15th, 2002 02:07 pm (UTC)
Thoughts of an Anxious Cat
Oh, look at that, there's my person, and she's going to pick me up.

I love her so much! Hi mom!

I'm being picked up. This is great. Up, up, and away! Look mom, I'm flying!

La ti da. Flying through the air with the greatest of ease, the daring young cat on the flying trapeze. Flap. Flap.

Wait a minute. What's going on here? Where's the ground? Why aren't my feet on the ground? How'd I get up here?

Ohmigod, I could just, like fall. Smash. To the ground. And how do we really know that cats actually always land on their feet? What if that's an old wives' tale? Has anyone done scientific analysis? I'll break my back, I know it.

And how stable is that floor, really? This is an old house. What if the floor gives away just when I land. Then I drop all the way to the first floor. And I probably don't land on my feet then either. Darned old wives.

And what if an Earthquake fault opens at that same time? I mean, this is California. Ohmigod, I fall all the way to the center of the Earth.

Ohmigod. Ohmigod. Ohmigod. La Ti Da. Flying through the air with the greatest of ease. Ohmigod. Ohmigod. Ohmigod.

Wait a minute. Think about this rationally for a second. I mean what's the real worst case?

AGGHHH!!!! I fall to my death in the center of the Earth!!!!!

Who are you people!? Where is this place!?

[claw]

[hang from ear]

[stunned human drops cat to ground]

[cat lands on four feet]
kimberly_a
Oct. 15th, 2002 03:35 pm (UTC)
Re: Thoughts of an Anxious Cat
Heh. This amused me muchly muchly. Hee hee.

Unfortunately, the cat in question is so stupid, that it's unlikely that anything except the "Who are you people!? Where is this place!?" actually passed through her teeny tiny brain. But, then, her facial expression seems to indicate that that's what she's thinking most of the time.
kimberly_a
Oct. 23rd, 2002 08:22 pm (UTC)
Re: Thoughts of an Anxious Cat
For anyone who cares, my husband wrote this little peek inside Munchkin's brain. He's way funnier than I am, so I'm glad he doesn't comment on my journal too often. He'd seduce you all away from me. ;-)
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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