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Terrible, unrelenting headache for 2 days solid. 8 out of 10 with no let-up except when I'm asleep. Plus all the continuing GI symptoms. The headache has been bad enough that I've been sometimes having trouble thinking much at all. Yesterday I completely forgot to go to my gum graft post-op appointment. They called me & said, "You were supposed to be here 15 minutes ago." I was horrified. It's the only thing I really remember about yesterday until dinner with Shannon. I spent most of the day in a headache haze.

I've been feeling strangely glad that my mom told me to stop telling her about my health problems, because at least now I know in advance not to seek any sympathy there. My expectations have been redefined, and it's resulting in less emotional pain. Or, at least, less acute disappointment; it's just a different kind of emotional pain, I suppose. A pain that is more of a chronic sadness.

I haven't done any art in weeks; I just have so little physical, intellectual, and emotional energy. What I DO have goes into expressing to Shannon how much I love and appreciate him--spending time with him, talking with him, reading aloud, going out on mini-dates, etc.--and then housework with anything I have left over. As far as I'm concerned, my energy always goes into my relationship with Shannon first--I give him as much as I can--and everything else is optional. Well, except my own health and happiness, of course, which come even before Shannon's. But my happiness and his are more closely intertwined when I'm this ill, because we're both so busy taking care of me.

I've been enjoying my work on The Most Expensive Afghan Ever, though, and that's something I've been doing on my own. It's fun & creative, albeit in a comparatively passive, mindless sort of way. Sort of meditative. And Lisa came over today & we talked for an hour or two, until I started feeling so sick that I kicked her out.

Tomorrow is Berkeley's "Open Streets" festival again. Shannon and I are planning to attend to the extent that I'm able. Digestion keeps me close to home a lot of the time right now, but it'll be nice to see what they have planned this year.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
wild_irises
Oct. 12th, 2014 12:12 pm (UTC)
My heart breaks for how hard it is for you just now. I love you.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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